Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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