I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
