I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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