I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
