A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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