I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
