We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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