yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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