I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
