just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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