I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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