i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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