I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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