Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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