I think I died a long time ago.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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