we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
