He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
