FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
