he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
