I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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