I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
