Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
