I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
