She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
