don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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