mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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