So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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