My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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