I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
