Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
