I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
