i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
