Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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