It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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