My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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