I'll bet she douches with gravy.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
