and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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