i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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