do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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