Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
