Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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