he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
