It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
