It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
