So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
