I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
