Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
