Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
