Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
