So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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