there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
