Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
