I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
