The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
