Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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