She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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