watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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