Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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