Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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